ALFRIEDA WRITES

Groote Genade Hartjie! I felt so embarrassed!

Two months ago Frik, my husband, bought me a computer so that I can email the twins that will be leaving for “Ingeland” at the beginning of January next year. Albertus (“ma se hart”), the youngest of the twins has been teaching me how to use email and search for recipes and woman stuff on the internet. Bertie has passed his Computer degree at University. He is so clever with computers – I am so proud of him!

A week ago I was on Goggle – or is it Google – looking for places where I can buy meat in bulk. Christmas is coming up and we are going to have a big braai for the whole family and then sommer say goodbye to the twins.

I got to your Market website and thought it was very pretty. I liked the goodlooking man with the star in his eye staring at me and immediately knew that this must be a butcher in Johannesburg or Cape Town. Alfranco, my other twin, studied Marketing, and told me all about how businesses use “models” to attract people to their shops. Here on the farm we never see “models” just big chalkboards with specials on and every once in a while Patricia Lewis and Steve Hofmeyr. Eden was here as well about six months ago – they are such handsome boys!

I registered, but thought that some of your questions were a little personal but again remembered what Franco said about “personal service” and how that is the new thing in the cities! I must admit that I didn’t know what some of the words meant and answered them completely wrong. You know, we never talk about “those” things where I come from. I still go red when I just think about it! I know now what circumcised mean and it has got nothing to do with if you want your lamb cut up into tjops or uncut for a spitbraai!

But hartjie, what do you mean by role? I am very active in my community and everyone knows they can ask me anything, from organizing the annual trip to the State Theatre for the old age home to standing in for Mevrou Dominee when she cannot play the organ on Sundays. Is that what you are asking there or not? I was able to work all the rest out except that one!

You can imagine my surprise after entering my username and password for the first time and then realising that meat is not spelt “meet”. But I am actually so glad I found this site as I have many gay friends and have no problem with them! I also gave your address to my hairdresser. Shame, no one here knows he is gay. I so wish he meets a nice man in your market. He is still, how do you say it…. “in the cupboard” and even has a girlfriend but I know that most hairdressers are gay, especially if they wear earrings!

I have to go. Joseph is taking me to the tuisnywerheid to get some brandy balls – they are my favourite!

Tarra

Alfrieda van Jaarsveld

PS: I have sent you a few pictures of myself, so that you know who is writing this letter. (Albertus took the pictures last month with his new ‘digital’ camera. He’s so clever!) Oh, if you’d like to view my profile on Meet Market, click here! I’m not too sure how to remove it!

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And the editor’s response…

Dear Alfrieda,

Thank you very much for your interest in Meet Market and Mambaonline – and of course, your charming letter. As you may well have now realised, Meet Market is targeted at gay men. Your initial confusion is quite understandable, especially as English is apparently not your first language.

We apologise for any offence, and assure you that we’ll do our best to ensure that no-one else stumbles across our website whilst searching for meat products (although I must admit that you are the first we are aware of).

All the best for the New Year, and of course to your twins, who sound rather delightful (you don’t perhaps have a picture of them?).

Warmest wishes,

Ed: mambaonline.com