JEFF STRYKES BACK

When you go to see a Jeff Stryker show, it is best to go with a light hearted expectation. Are you going to see a Chekov play? Nah. Are you going to see Shakespeare? Nah. What you are going to see is a living legend. Yes I said legend. For no matter what you may say, Jeff Stryker is an icon.

He has crossed barriers of sexuality, gender appeal, and is recognized worldwide. He doesn’t have small pocket cities of fans. He has millions. His appeal is based, as many of us know, on his rather huge….hmmm…well it’s not his origami skills that have endeared him to us. Let’s say Jeff has been blessed in the area of penile appendage.

I have always been a fan of Stryker. I had a crush on him so bad that my heart used to ache when I was younger. He was unbridled, raw, down and dirty sexuality. He was someone whom I would every once in a while get a glimpse of in a New York club, someone who every so often would release a new video that I would have to rent before anyone else. You see I felt, that if I saw his videos first it meant I loved him more. Ok so what, I was younger. I’m not that way anymore. I can be third or fourth to see them.

I had the thrill of interviewing Jeff, live on my television show about a year ago. He was coming on to promote his reality show that he is working on, that follows him around in his day-to-day life. I was thrilled he said yes, and he also donated about one thousand dollars worth of merchandise to Being Alive at my request. He told me someone would be dropping the items off at my apartment, and I assumed it would be a messenger. So there I was in a shower cap with a green mint julep facial on, doing aerobics in my apartment whilst listening to my little pink Ipod, when my doorbell rang. I assumed it was the messenger, but to my horror, when I looked out the peephole it was Jeff himself.

Now here is my dilemma. How in the world, am I to let Stryker, my living fantasy, see me this way? Well I had to make an executive decision. He could not see me this way. I have learned from watching every movie Jeff has made, that when he is the deliveryman, you don’t want to be the one wearing a facial. So I didn’t answer. Actually I cowered in the corner praying he didn’t see my eye at the peephole. He did. He said he saw me, when he got to the studio later that night with the case of goods. Well so what. Had I been prepared, I’d have been wearing the usual leather chaps and jacket that most of his conquests are wearing while hanging at home waiting for their deliveries.

Anyway, let’s speed up to now. His one-man play, A Sophisticated Evening with Jeff Stryker, at The Celebration Theatre in Hollywood, is a blast. I went not knowing what to expect. Bruce Valanche wrote it, and Jeff tries his best to pull off some unfunny lines. This is not Jeff’s fault. Some of the writing just isn’t good. What is good is Jeff redeeming these lines with his own adlibbing. He has no problem laughing at himself, the material or the fact that he forgets a few lines. This is what is so endearing. It is almost impossible to leave there not liking him. You get a show, which details his childhood, his entrée into the world of adult film, and his foray into theatre. Let us not forget that his Off Broadway show, Jeff Stryker Hard Times was raking in more money than any Broadway play at the time of its run.

The set is a bed, and a large screen television which shows us clips and videos, and his action figure doll singing his country song “I’m gonna pop you in the pooper.” Hmmm…

The end of the play is what everyone was waiting for. Yes he comes out naked shaking his money-maker. Yes it is that huge. Yes he dances right in your face and no, even naked and grinding in our faces, he was not offensive.

I went backstage, and asked him a few questions.

Jimmy: How the hell do you keep your body looking so young? It is almost amazing, that I couldn’t see a plastic surgery scar anywhere.

Jeff: I haven’t had plastic surgery yet. I smoke, but don’t do drugs. I inherited good genes, and my dad’s penis size. Actually he was bigger than me.

Jimmy: NO WAY

Jeff: Yes he was like a mule.

Jimmy: You are a single parent raising a sixteen-year-old boy. It can’t be easy for you.

Jeff: Well this year, I had to send him to live with my mom. He was just getting in with the wrong crowds at school, and I was fearful of drugs and gangs in Los Angeles. So I sent him to my mom, who is a strict Christian woman, and who has him in church six days a week.

Jimmy: I am not going to ask the same question everyone asks, which is if you are gay or straight. What I will ask is how you feel about having both a huge gay and straight following.

Jeff: I am so grateful. I don’t define myself as anything. If I am in a gay film, I am gay. If I am in a straight film, I am straight. And if I am in a bi film…well I am confused. I just appreciate my fans. What is the sense of not being gracious to the very people that put me on the map? I am thrilled to sign an autograph or take a picture with someone. I have devoted my life to entertainment, whether it is adult videos, theatre or television. I am thankful I have been well received, and love all of my fans.

And Mr. Stryker, we love you.

Oh and by the way, the interview was done with Jeff in a bathrobe with no belt. You heard me. His penis was hanging out the entire time. I was shaking. I had the vapours. I have met Cher, and interviewed Jeff Stryker naked. I have lived!

Jeff’s play has been extended until September 3.

By Jimmy Palmieri

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