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SEX & THE CITY STAR: BEING LESBIAN WAS A CHOICE

Tue, 24 January 2012

Cynthia Nixon
Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon, who is in a relationship with a woman, has raised the ire of LGBT activists in the U.S. by controversially saying that for her being gay is a choice.

In 2004, the American actress ended her 15 year relationship with English professor Danny Mozes and become romantically involved with education activist Christine Marinoni. The women, who are engaged, are raising the two children Nixon had with Mozes and another child that Marinoni gave birth to last year.

The 45-year-old actress, who has been a vocal advocate of LGBT rights, recently spoke out about her sexuality in an interview with The New York Times to promote her new Broadway play Wit.

"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better'. And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice," said Nixon.

"I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out," she said.

"I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

She went on to say: “Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realise I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."

LGBT activists have long argued that being gay or lesbian is not a choice and is either genetic or as a result of influences in the womb. This appears to be backed up by a growing body of scientific research.

"I don’t pull out the 'bisexual' word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals..."

Writing on Americablog, LGBT activist John Aravosis slammed Nixon for her comments, suggesting that while she may not have been born lesbian she was probably born bisexual.

"What she means is that she's bisexual, and doesn't quite get that most people aren't able to have sexual romantic relationships with both men and women because they're just not into both genders. She is into both genders," said Aravosis.

"And that's fine. But she needs to learn how to choose her words better, because she just fell into a right-wing trap, willingly. When the religious right says it's a choice, they mean you quite literally choose your sexual orientation, you can change it at will, and that's bull."

Openly lesbian celebrity chef Cat Cora also criticised Nixon's comments. "I'm gay, and I was born this way," she told The Talk's Julie Chen. "So, I really feel like it was dangerous and irresponsible of Cynthia, especially in this environment today when so many young people are taking their lives."

In a later interview with the Daily Beast's Kevin Sessums, Nixon added that she doesn't like the label of "bisexual," although she suggested that she does in fact see herself as such.

"I don’t pull out the 'bisexual' word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals," she said.

When it was pointed out by Sessums that "it is the 'B' in LGBT", Nixon replied: "I know. But we get no respect".

Sessums countered: "You just said 'we,' so you must self-identify as one."

"I just don’t like to pull out that word," responded Nixon, "But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her. I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt."

In a Huffington Post piece, In Defense of Cynthia Nixon: Why 'Born This Way' Doesn't Matter, Tracy Baim wrote that "this nature-vs.-nurture argument has been debated in the LGBT movement for decades".

She went on to say: "I don't think Nixon is wrong to 'choose' how she defines her own life. If the right wing does use her words as a way to attack our community, I don't think it will be any more vile than what they already do. They try to 'cure' us and deny our civil rights no matter what the basis of our true selves.

"We have a common enemy here, and it is not Cynthia Nixon, or those like her who come out as proud in their own unique identity," added Baim.

What do you think? Did you choose to be gay or lesbian? Give us your thoughts below.

by Staff Writer

    

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sHAHfKRwvNzQb 4/27/2012 12:37:02 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
t2vckT Fantastic blog.Really thank you! Want more.
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Cerulean 3/23/2012 2:54:52 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I think that her way of defining her bisexuality as being is cool, because with all the bi-phobia out there it she's just taking a stand against it
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Marixella 2/21/2012 8:05:49 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I believe in choice.. Yes, it is true that some may be born into an orientation. But what about the instance where someone makes the choice to be loved? In this day adn age, gender and orientation is becoming more and more fluid. Urban dictionary terms are all over the place. The only real motivator is who we fall in love with. We don't always choose this based on gender. Sometimes, there exists a person that you are attracted to so you forsake and sacrifice whatever you need to in order to share that love.

It may not be bisexuality at all. It's called falling in love with someone not their plumbing.

So yes. I believe people can choose to be gay too.
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Sang 2/10/2012 9:06:53 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I've always found it ironic when the homosexual community imposes its own definition of sexuality and sexual orientation on others. Cynthia choses to define the origin of her sexual expression differently compared to how it has been commonly defined. To slam her for that is the equivalent to how the LGBTIQ community is judged by conservative heterosexuals. In an ideal world it wouldn't matter if it was a choice or not. Unconditional acceptance is what the LGBTIQ community should strive to instill in the in society. The conservatives don't care whether it is a choice or not. Their hatred is irrational to the extent that the logic of defining it as a choice escapes them.
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Sang 2/10/2012 9:06:51 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I've always found it ironic when the homosexual community imposes its own definition of sexuality and sexual orientation on others. Cynthia choses to define the origin of her sexual expression differently compared to how it has been commonly defined. To slam her for that is the equivalent to how the LGBTIQ community is judged by conservative heterosexuals. In an ideal world it wouldn't matter if it was a choice or not. Unconditional acceptance is what the LGBTIQ community should strive to instill in the in society. The conservatives don't care whether it is a choice or not. Their hatred is irrational to the extent that the logic of defining it as a choice escapes them.
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observer_indi 1/30/2012 6:23:11 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I just wish people would get that there isn't one answer that's tailored to fit everyone. I wouldn't deny that many people's sexual orientation may be defined at birth. This doesn't rule out that that it can be a choice. From this perspective I can't see it as a standpoint that can be successfully attacked by the right wing(Not that it would discourage that particular mind set) merely because they could only attack those to whom this particular truth applies. Regardless of the reasons that bring us here though, what right does anyone have to judge.
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clarity 1/29/2012 2:21:08 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
Our choices.... Our choices as human beings are what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Our choices for human rights and equality are proof of this. I too kind of believe I chose to be lesbian. But that is such a taboo statement, and for many a point of judgement and segregation, that it is not often said. I do also understand the 'lesbian choice' many abused women make and if judging them is ok by you all I can say is... nothing really. My relationships with men were good and not abusive or unusually disfunctional, and I will forever admit that my first love was a man, but I feel I have moved past that. And even though I left a man for a woman, the latter relationship did not last. But that did not send me off hunting men again! I was very clearly fulfilled with a woman and knew very clearly that this is the path I want to follow. Not for anyone but me. So I also have a problem identifying with the any of the boxes and labels people use to define themselves. Such as Bi-sexual. I believe those restrict my growth as an evolving human being. This is my next step in my own evolution, and im not sure I can put a label on that.
I believe that there are also different facets within every community that exisits. Even though we all sit at the same fire, dont expect the stories to all be the same, and when we start expecting that, beware, for then we fall into the same trap as those who wish us harm.
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M 1/26/2012 3:46:16 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
There is something perverse about a person who is straight choosing to be lesbian/gay. It's like a gay man "choosing" to be straight. It doens't make sense to me, unless the person is bisexual. She may not like the term "bisexual" but I think it may be exactly the best word to describe her sexual orientation.
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Wayne van Niekerk 1/25/2012 5:30:06 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I think you are missing the point . For me it was not a choice but if some people choose good for them if they choose a better lifestyle
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Vampyre 1/25/2012 2:53:28 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
Being anything including hetro is not a choice. I think it was irresponsible of such a high powered celebrity to claim choice because she doesn't like using the word bisexual. I have a few bisexual friends who are all against using that word for themselves. Them have a definite thing against being 'labeled' because when they are in a relationship with a guy they get to be hetro and when are in one with a girl get to be homo. And that fine if they don't want to accept that they are bisexual. But it's COMPLETELY wrong to start making claims for us who are actually homosexual. Being homosexual is NOT a choice!
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Rolando 1/25/2012 2:32:59 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I agree that she's confusing being bisexual with choosing to be gay or straight. She's both, so she's bi.. simple
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jp 1/25/2012 2:15:36 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
I CHOSE TO BE A PUPPYDOG - SCRATCH MY BELLY - WHO GIVES A FUCK?

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mb 1/25/2012 2:15:36 PM Down Up Reply REPLY
yep who gives a damn. It is how it is!
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