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F**KING LESBIAN. COME HERE YOU BITCH!

Wed, 11 July 2012

Hurried steps and nervous glares. I suddenly feel cold. I release a hand from my warm embrace. They are pointing. Someone's whispering. I feel my heart beating widly in my throat. I hear a disgusted clicking tongue.

"Nxa!"

Humiliation. Someone else spews venom at us.

“Lezinja lezi! Sies!” (These dogs! Sies!)

“Ngay' iround eliyone sweetie. Ngizokushaya ngenkaw’za ubegrand.” (Give me one round sweetie. I am gonna fuck you and you will be fine)

“ 'Tsek wena, woza la. Fokken stabban! Ye wena bitch!!! Woza la wena! Ye wena!!!” (Voetsek you fucken lesbian! Come here you bitch! Come here!)

Unimaginable fear grips me. I hear her screaming. Panicking. Running. Running. Cold rough hands. Rough dry hands. Unfamiliar. I'm powerless. Fuck! Fuck! I'm dying. Bitter tears sting my eyes. Don't cry! Cold roaming hands. I can't breathe! Don't take my pants off! Please! I can't breathe!

“Angithi ufuna ukuba yindoda. . .” (You want to be a man. . . )

Absolute darkness. My nightmare.

This is not a bad dream. It is not a scene from your favourite drama. This is my reality. See, I'm one of many. My plight is neither unique nor new. Initially, it was alarming. An outrage. A national outcry. A betrayal of our glorified Constitution. And now. Now it’s normal. It is part of life. Her’s and mine. My double edged sword, the burden that I carry.

Lesbians in South Africa continue to be raped by men who believe it will “cure” them of their sexual orientation, according to a shocking new report by ActionAid.

See, I'm not just a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm detested by many the world over. Disowned by family and abhorred by my community. I'm the evil that wrecks havoc in society. I am a supposed sexual pervert. I'm confused. I've never experienced the joys of a hard cock throbbing deeply within the confines of my treasured vagina. Apparently, that's why I'm gay. God did not mean for me to be this way. I'm wrong, hence the need for my "correction".

For many like me, everyday is a potential nightmare. A horror waiting to happen. I hear them. They don't hide their disgust when they see me. It is only a matter of time before they violate the depths of my lesbian soul. Only a matter of time before they brutally “correct” the wrong that they perceive in me. Leaving a body that my family will not recognise. Imminent, like rain on an over cast day. Seconds away from my demise. I live in constant fear. It could be me. It can be me.

Freedom? Not for me. Not those like me. Living in a perpetual state of fear. Chained in invisible chains. Our screams are turned into silent murmurs in the ears of those who should protect us. They laugh at girls who look like boys and boys who look like girls. My government finds a painting of genitals a violation of the greatest order to the rights of one person. But the violation of an actual vagina every 17 seconds is not transgression enough. I scream my pleas. They don’t hear me.

Bid me well now. It could be me tomorrow. . .

** To the beautiful souls who lost their lives because they chose to love differently. RIP**

Activists have released a video (see below) calling on President Jacob Zuma to step in and take action against the growing wave of hate crimes against the LGBTI community.

Watch the video message to President Zuma below. Sign the petition here.

by About this Mambagirl

Mbali Toyana

A woman who has had enough.