WoW. WOW, you have just blown it out the water. I don’t think that I will ever meet anyone anymore. I loev going out and I love having fun, but I have never had a meaningfull relationship in my whole life. I am going to be 21 in the end of August and I have had nobody to call my lover.

I have been out with friend to clubs abd places and people will come back with numbers and will come back with people who want to know them and I will come back with myself. I don’t know whether it is a case of always being at a wrong place all the time or what?

I would love to meet someone from anywhere who is interested in me and I in them. I have tried the internet and all you find there are people who want the Brad Pitts and the David Beckhams of this world. If not that then they are 50 years old, if not that then they want you to travel to another Province for a night of heated passion and that will be it. It is so depressing and really if I was straight I would never suffer as much. Wow again, I love the article.

There is this one guy, from a dating site. I can’t remember who he was but he had written “although my hopes are not always realised, but I alwasy HOPE”

Lwando

Having gone from beauty in my 20s to the beast in my 30s I’ve seen both sides of the story. I must tell you and being gay has turned out to be both the best and the worst thing to happen to me.

I love being gay, how it has fine tuned my personality and my manner – how it has shown me a side of life 80% of the population have no idea about and I would not want to go straight.

However all of us reading through these comments (because most of the culprits wouldn’t even read the article) know the absolute cruelty of the scene and the unattainable (for most) Men’s Health vision one is expected to project.

I never used to struggle to get into a guy’s bed but I am acutely aware that I do not interview well and so have rarely been past the first date where sex was not involved.

After about a year of trying earnestly to get into a relationship I basically gave up and now I don’t go out, don’t surf gaydar, and cling to my small circle of mostly straight friends.

I know I will never meet someone nice this way but the fear of rejection has kept me bound to this way of life. It’s lonley but you get used to it.

I can’t help but wondering, however, that there must be hundreds if not thousands of nice guys like me who if they were straight would be happily married by now but because they can’t bear the sight of (you know what) and fear rejection from men, are locking themselves into lives of lonliness because they’ll never meet each other.

These are the guys you see sitting alone in the movies, guys eating supper alone, guys who don’t fit in at the clubs because they don’t dance, or don’t have fashion sense or don’t do drugs etc. and thus don’t go. These are the guys who drink their fill from the font of internet porn and sooner or later know nothing else. This is me and it might be you.

It might be sad but it’s definitely true – I just wonder, how do we meet each other – you might be my neighbour but I’ll never know.

Somehow we need to figure a way out of this, find each other and finally live.

Frienship first. I was dating a guy. 4 months into the relationship he tells me “I am not attractive enough to warrant a physical relationship”

this after we had fooled around.

Sooo it hurt but i figured its probably better to be mates with a guy first. b4 jumping into a relationship thats doomed.

In the “straight” community, there are (at least in theory) a circle of friends who you can turn to for support and understanding — and maybe even a “meet my friend” once in a while. “Players” are not respected in the straight community (at least they were not when I was growing up). There is/was a level of acceptable behavior and “slut” was not a long term desired quality.

Today it seems like the attitude of the gay community is “every man for himself”. There is no set of community values that says “being mean” and hurting people is not acceptable. [In fact, many times, the opposite seems to be true.] Your worth as a gay man is based on what? How hot you look? How bitchy you can be? How many people you’ve bedded? (OK, maybe that was an 70’s thing.) How drunk or high you can get? How healthy you look? How much you’ve given back to the community? How much you’ve reached out and supported others? How honest you are? What do we as a community respect?

What we respect is what we get, and God help the guy who doesn’t measure up. Want to know why people are “turning to things such as alcohol/drugs and sex to self-medicate”? Take a look at what we respect. And what we exact as the price for failure. Changing our values as a community might do a lot more good than all the “just say no” or “always be good” ads we could ever run.

My 2 cents.

It’s amazing how we allow complete strangers to make us feel less than zero just because we don’t have “that look” …

Thanks!!!

reply where do i start . a good place would be to communicate your needs, in other words, ” I want more then a one night stand” a mojority of guys on these dating sites are here for sex. Nothing wrong with that, its time saving and cost effective.

Another aspect is the gay “relationship formulation” scenario – when sex becomes the basis of the relationship that is what you going to get. Change the repetitive behaviour pattern if you want something morre substantial.

Friendship and companionship is always a must have not a nice to have.

Maybe those who have found their life partners could share their stories…