Comments on: WHAT ARE WE DOING?

By: micreant

micreant — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

monogamous relations. You’d think that people would be scared shitless of getting AIDS that even when in a long term monogamous relationship, they would still use condoms. It is so simple, I don’t understand the risk some people take.

I think that anonymous sex is excusable, it is just in a man’s nature to seek out sexual gratification. The problem is clingy, needy house-husbands that make some of us really turned off by the idea of a relationship. If a relationship could just be about sex and friendship, and leave out all the pet names, nagging, clinginess, sulking, insecurity and smothering, then I think alot of guys would be in long term monogamous relationships.

By: A

Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In reply to micreant. Clearly you have no idea what a proper loving monogamous relationship is all about... Shame.

By: food for thought..

food for thought.. — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In reply to micreant.

… as for miscreant…. Paragraph 1 = 10 out of 10.
Paragraph 2 = What a load of subjective rubbish in my subjective opinion! I jst can’t agree with you!

Your aversion to “clingy, needy house husbands” might at 1st seem completely understandable. But you seem to forget that every “relationship” has needs (why else get involved?). These range from wild sex to quiet time together, to sharing laughter and other moments. If these needs aren’t met, the relationship suffers.
Demonstrations of affection obviously vary from couple to couple, and just because YOU don’t like ‘pet names’ it doesn’t mean this type of relationship is flawed. You have highlighted the negatives of nagging, sulking, insecurity and smothering, as possible reasons for not engaging in a relationship and as an excuse for excusable anonymous sex because these things aren’t present. You imply that this is all ‘extra acceptable’ because you don’t take risks. Well, bully for you. In my SUBJECTIVE experience, we ALL have baggage – I venture to say that even you do – and that dealing with the lows in a relationship, no matter what they are, is as important as dealing with the highs.. It wouldn’t be balanced other wise. In my opnion, a lot of guys (to use your last sentence) ‘would be in long term monogamous relationships’ only AFTER they have dealt with all the issues that being together entails – NOT just safe sex without the negatives.

By: why not

why not — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

.... Heavens , that mail just goes to show that Out has a huge task ahead.
If you are in a clingy relationship and don't like it , then get out.
Have you examined if you behaviour is the cause of this insecurity of your partner.
If you are in such a relationship, it doesn't justify casual sex. Just get out of the realtionship.
As for being so scared of Hiv , it is not right to create fear.
Treated openly and professionally , HIV is a treatable disease . It is your responsibilty to protect yourself and your partner but not create fear of your status

By: whatever

whatever — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In reply to micreant. yeah sure. firstly, suggest that you do not generalise as you seem to do, and secondly, what you are really looking for are "Friends with benefits" and that is also the reason why there are so many open relationships out there.

all i can say is at the end of the day it is what works for each of us. if you find some clingy, name calling "husband", and thats not your type, then move on buddy.

and just for the record, i dont like the clingy name callin either, but defintiely not into the "lets be friends, have sex, without the "emotional part"...

By: Bongani

Bongani — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Thought provoking. I love these articles, they are always thought provoking. We need to talk more about living with HIV and AIDS, not just the health risks but also about the psychological effects of living with a life threatening illness and how possible it is to still have a full relationship with no stigma issues coming in the way.