Comments on: DATING’S RACISM MINEFIELD

By: @tk

@tk — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In reply to tk. because .... You need to walk in the otherv guys shoes, especially in SA because of ourv history of LEGISLATED racism. Try to be sensitive to the readers' feelings. Take the job market at the moment - many whites get seriously pissed off when they read an ad that says 'historically disadvantaged groups will have an advantage', imagine the reaction if an advert said 'whites need not apply', they would burn the house down (and the advert would be illegal).
Why can't you say that you prefer slim built people, or fair skinned peope? It is less offensive and carries the same meaning?

By: Krishen

Krishen — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Racist!. It’s Racism… How can you assume that a whole racial group is homogenous? We may have went to the same school, watched the same television programmes growing up, go to the same restaurants and laugh at the same jokes, but you won’t reply to my messages because I’m not White?? I can understand cultural differences, but let’s not make sweeping assumptions.

That’s as racist as it gets…

By: Interested

Interested — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Question to the author. So how many men of colour have you been with?

By: Blacklust03

Blacklust03 — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Is it really race or class. Dating is a scary world as it is. And given the history of our country it will take time for knowledge to translate to change. Exposure is the best education I find. We become prejudice because we lack knowledge and exposure. Another great part of this equation is the fact that we as the homosexual community are the classist group I know and that determines who and what you get exposed to ultimately. Nonetheless, having dated a Jewish man as a Black man, I know that people a bit apprehensive initially,however, when they get to know you for the person you are beyond colour, a revelation comes about. Gay people, please expose yourself to meeting people beyond the colour of the skin, if for anything, do it for yourself.

By: XOXO

XOXO — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Horizons. I agree with your comments that this is largely South African specific.

I have spent large blocks of time abroad and find people to be more accepting, tolerant and embracing of other races and culture.

Also one needs to remember, these sites are generally used for sexual encounters which granted you may only prefer with certain people, that preference however may completely dissapear as you get to know someone, but i guess with 99% of the people on a "dating" website that is not really the intention.

By: aaa

aaa — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

whites only. so glad this have been brought up…especially when profiles have “whites only”…immediately evokes images of apartheid era restaurants and public facilities…people should be a bit more sensitive to this…its disgusting,,,at very least keep ur preference to yourself and rather not reply

By: Leon

Leon — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

open minded. if people want to be stuck being narrow minded, they will miss out on the rare and great opportunity of meeting possibly the love of their love. love is blind, everyone. thats what makes love so great. to love unconditionally, to accept one another as we are. stop being so judgmental, because believe me if the shoe was on the other foot, you might not like what you hear. we as a human race need to learn to love and accept, especially in the gay community because we know all about being judge unfairly. we should know better. then hell yeah do the right thing! God made all of us, baby, we are born this way, we are special all of us and dont let anyone tell you different.

By: mysterio

mysterio — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In reply to I_Agree. im open. i dont mind the colour of your skin. whats most important is the honesty of your heart. thats what stands the test of time, the willingless to love someone unconditionally, which is what i expect and what im willing to give. love yourself regardless of what anyone else might think.

By: hindi_indi

hindi_indi — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Great article Mr Mackay. Personally while it does piss me off to see such exclusions listed on profiles, I can’t help but be be grateful for the clear mark, of a flawed personality type, that I’d much rather steer clear off anyway.
I wonder if these individuals live in isolation because it is a fundamental truth that regardless of your cultural background, the more you mix with seemingly very different people, the more you find that actually we have more in common than not. The fact that such a prejudiced and inflexible mindset exists amongst a group that is itself the focus of horrendous prejudice is ironic and frankly just very sad.

By: I_Agree

I_Agree — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Yes!. Finally…someone who has written about it! I am not white and find it extremely offensive being rebuffed by white guys purely because of my race. It makes me feel inferior and less worthy…which is ridiculously seeing as I am generally a confident and self-assured person. And I have only ever been rebuffed by white guys for this reason. I have never experienced it with other races. I think in SA race is hugely loaded…and it is never in the sexual sphere “just personal preference”…not in SA…not with our history.

Surely if it was “just personal preference” this kind of thing would be somewhat evenly distributed across the population and across the race groups. But why then is it disproportionately (but I admit not exclusively!) among white guys? I have my theory but don’t feel like being attacked so I’ll keep it to myself for now…