Comments on: BI NOW, GAY LATER

By: shaun-errol losper

shaun-errol losper — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I AGREE WITH YOU 100%.WE AS GAYS ARE SO HURT BY SOCIETY WITH THEIR HOMOPHOBIC MINDSET,UTTER HATRED AND NON ACCEPTANCE OF US GAYBEINGS,AINT WE BUT THE SAME AS THEM,AINT IT MAKING US HIPOCRYTS WORSE THAN THAN NORMAL INSTEAD OF US UNITING AND FIGHTING FOR US WE ARE BEING EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE H/PHOBICS,WICH MAKES US WORSE,DONT EXPECT TO BE ACCEPTED IF YOU CANT ACCEPT YOUR OWN KIND.I BELIEVE BEING GAY IS A GIFT TO SPREAD LOVE BRING PEACE HAPPINESS TO THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN SO GET OVER YOURSELFES AND MAKE LOVE NOT WAR YOURS FABFARY

By: Mike

Mike — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I’m more of an equal opportunist. If a hot girl want’s to hook up, I’m not going to say no. I’m gay but I occasionally hook up with girls. Not everything is black and white. If everyone, including the gays, opened their minds a little we’d all be a lot happier. Free love baby!

By: User?

User? — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I agree with what you are saying. Though I do find it incredibly difficult to have a serious relationship with a bisexual guy. There is always that feeling of being inadequate. I guess it’s an insecurity and prejudice that I need to work on.

By: Indi

Indi — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Your articles always give such great insights. Personally, I think sexuality is one of those areas, too complex to give any completely satisfying answers, so I’ll echo the sentiment of acceptance.

By: R

Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

This issue is more complicated than we all think and lets not make the mistake of making bi guys to be the victims here, most of them are not innocent and they are adding fuel to the fire with thier nasty sex practices (not that gay men aren’t) thus making bi guys with substance seem fewer and far wide in between. No one has a problem with you being bi, gay men have a problem with being treated like shit, n possessing the ingrained ability to want both genders doesn’t mean it’s right to be with them at the same time!! Whether you agree with this or not when the sex has lost it’s novelty, we all want to be with someone who will stay for the long haul. Why bother with a guy who you know just needs you for a quickstop? Obviously if ur not looking for a real commitment or u just wanna fuck, a guy is a guy n it won’t matter I for one am the kind of guy who wants more than sex n I’m also looking for a guy who is intrested in commitment and doesn’t treat me like a side dish (I’m a 6 course meal lol). I have yet to meet a bi guy who wants more than sex n doesn’t have a girlfriend/wife, most importantly I have yet to meet a bi guy who wants to be in a fully commited relationship inspite how hot I am n what a wonderful person I am (Oh we’ve all heard that one!!). Al even mentioned the driving fact why there is such a hatered for bi guys among gay men… they come, get what they want n leave u feeling like a doormat. I truely wonder how many gay men who have dated bi guys can actually say they had a good overall healthy experience, not many I’m willing to bet. Now please don’t get me wrong this is no justification on my part about why I would avoid bi guys at all cost. My experiences and the kind of bi guys I tend to attract dictates that for me. As for bi guys who are actually gay… C’mon people it’s true! Thankfully NOT ALL BI GUYS are gay but I do believe there are less bisexuals than we are lead to think. In our young democracy the past may be over on paper but it has yet to fully sink in, in our hearts and minds especally to some of those who lived it and who some of those raised us. Being gay was more than a crime back than it was an abomination. Discovering you like men has never been an easy process not everybody reacts the same nor do they end up attracted to the same thing. In our society it is actually more acceptable (especailly amongs ubber Afrikaans and Black communities) to be bi than gay. How do I know this? I asked dozens of them over the years they have all generally said the same thing; it’s more of a safety thing with thier families. These are very serious realities that need to be address and RESOLVED. I’m in total agreement we gays need to stop playing the victim card and we need to help each other out here but instead of sitting here just saying us gays need to give bi guys a break, shouldn’t we be also asking what bi guys are doing to improve thier notorious reputations of being whores n players? Isn’t the goal now to start teaching both gays n bi how to be men of substance. As far as I have seen there r two kinds of bi guys; the out rite flakey asshole who uses you like a condom, and the flakey ‘Nice guy’ who can’t say no to any invatation to his pants I hope to God I meet a better variety of bisexual one day cause this is bullshit. Gay men have assholes in our litter too but bi guys have it worse so perhaps its time to helping each other

By: Stone-CPT

Stone-CPT — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Had I been 13 and yet to have kissed a guy, I would have so agreed with what this article has said. But I am a tad older than that and I have tombs of stories to tell about bisexuals. Unfortunately for me, I have always had a thing for them – my first kiss was with a bisexual, my first blow job I gave, the first dick I touched and got to cum, my first proper boyfriend was bisexual and my last one was bisexual. One would think I like to inflict pain on myself…in some ways I guess I must love the impossibility of unrequited love from the kind of guys who at best of times claim to love me and at worst negotiate their way into sexual relationship while hinting that there is a very strong probability that they could go back to sleeping / dating and indeed marrying women some day – so I have no right to claim any exclusivity (this is not my interpretation but how the story has panned out at least twice). This in itself would not be an issue if the flip back to heterosexuality was formalised or some sort of notice given…but I have been with a guy who just stopped calling like I did not exist. But six months later called to talk all sweet to me like nothing had happened. Of course I was mature enough not to get back with him but I tolerated this state of affairs for almost three years. This year over a few slices of pizza for the first time Mr X was honest about what he had gone through in his youth and how that had affected our pseudo-relationship. By then it was too late – I was so filled with resentment and angst I told him I did not trust that he would be anything but dishonest and deceitful to me…I sometimes regret that I did not fall back into the pseudo-romance that might have lasted until his sexuality ‘kicked back in’ or until I was no longer flavour of the month but at the same time I would have continued to believe that this was as good as it would get for me. (it is hard enough looking for a boy friend in this city) and when race and culture are thrown in I wonder whether the ‘compromise’ of dating a bisexual is a lesser punishment than ‘dating’ a white / coloured / muslim guy…
So for me bisexuals are exciting and engage in sex like it is their last meal but unless they can commit to one person and maintain a sense of honesty and transparency they are no better than selfish con men who justify the pain they cause by their fence-sitting

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Great article Al! Gays have always been their own worse enemy. We always assume bi guys are gay and just in denail. If we can’t even accept ourselves, how do we expect society to accept us?

By: JP

JP — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Can we please discuss how hot bi-guys are? Yummy.

By: John

John — Tue, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Thanks for a great article, and I’d like to add a few thoughts. I identify privately and to my wife and a few friends and groups as bi, but to most people I know I’m straight and they wouldn’t know any difference. I’m also in the category of finding men attractive (some very) but never having met one I felt like I wanted to be in a relationship with. I wouldn’t say I’m 50/50 men/women; out of a group of equal balance I’d find noticably more women than men cute in it, whereas you talk about equal attraction above. That doesn’t mean I’m only 30% (or whatever guy/girl attracted-ratio on average) attracted to the cute guys, for each person it depends how well their type matches my preferences. There might be no girls that really do it for me in the group but a few guys that hit 10/10, though I could find 70% of girls in the same balanced group cute and only 40% of the guys hot. Thanks for the words!