Comments on: SPEAKING IT: A SURVIVOR’S TALE

By: M

Sun, 05 Jan 2014 03:40:31 +0000

Scary story, again reinforcing how unsafe many of us are. For me i was 25/6. He was 30/31, a professional in an educational institution. I went to his house because he was decent, after weeks of just chatting over the phone. We had dinner and a chat- as we had chatted on the phone before. Then after dinner, he invited me to his bedroom where he wanted to show me “something”- cause he was bored now with the chat. He played gay porn- although i was new to dating guys, i knew what this “meant”, i knew it meant we should have sex. I started getting uncomfortable and started searching for words to leave. That’s when he grabbed me and pushed me to the bed- i was a size 28 and 60kg’s- he was a size 34 and 80kg at least. I heard a voice shouting in my head- I am not going to be a victim! as he tried to pin me down and kiss me hard while trying to take my clothes off, I pushed and shoved with all my might while calmly saying “stop it dude!” a few times til i managed to get off the bed and stand at the bedroom door. I said in the most calm of voices “Can you come and open for me – I need to leave now”- I did not want to show how terrified I am, after all I’m a man! He looked sad and guilty at the same time. And finally he stood up to open the door and the gate and I drove out. I was shaking very hard in spite of the external calm I had shown, because i realised right then what could have happened. I refused for years to call it what it is- attempted rape! I am fortunate to have great friends that i could tell this thing to a few years later and immediately the burden got lighter for sharing- I called it by its name.
Although I, unlike the others here, managed to get away- the story, like the rest, shows how easy it is to become a victim. How blurry the line is between “playing hard to get” and “saying no”. How even as it’s happening your mind is racing at 200km/second going “this can’t be true, he’s probably just playing, he doesn’t know better….maybe he is used to playing hard”.
My heart goes out to all of you who could not get away- unfortunately THEY don’t wear signs, THEY don’t have markers- all I can say to you, A Survivor is talk to someone that cares for you. It helps!
Good luck- and all of you be safe out there- don’t be a victim!
M

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 02 Jan 2014 14:01:35 +0000

Am so sorry for what happened to you. Kindly visit a therapist so as to overcome the trauma. May solace and peace of mind find you. You are not alone for you have friends and a caring government to help you through this. Be strong in heart and optimistic.

By: Fred

Fred — Wed, 01 Jan 2014 04:53:29 +0000

Dear friend
Pls get counselling, if possible share with a close friend and report him . He will do it someone else who might not be lucky as you are.
Hope you find peace and strength to move on
Hugz

By: Buddy

Buddy — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 00:40:32 +0000

shame I feel for you.I think he’s not Gay.I think he wanted to do this so that you must never look @ men the same u look before.Trust me ,go report it.I was muuged ,by also trusting this guy and later to find out that is his way of getting by because the gay guys were easy targets.To the guys that say survivor is making it lying,try yourself in his shoes .Find help and be safe out there.

By: Distraught

Distraught — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 06:58:12 +0000

I wish you would name and shame this bastard. I am sure that this guy is out there doing the exact same thing to oher guys. Once a rapist, always a rapist… I have been in similar situations where I managed to get out before things got too out of hand, but am aware that if things had been only a little different… Please reconsider reporting it. It’s not too late. Get a good lawyer and get some serious advice. It will help with the healing. I just want to hold you so badly right now.

By: A survivor

A survivor — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 02:16:37 +0000

In reply to A survivor. It helps to know there are others, although it's awful that this happens to so many people. And it helps to know that you and the others survived. Thank you for your comments Smiler :)

By: A victim and survivor

A victim and survivor — Wed, 18 Dec 2013 12:59:08 +0000

A victim and survivor

I would really appreciate details to the group therapy Martin mentioned. Thank you.

By: Smiler

Smiler — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 21:46:33 +0000

In reply to A survivor. wow , you see what i mean when i say you are not alone , there are many of us - survivors so i am glad that others have come forward , heal on my friend

By: Martin

Martin — Tue, 17 Dec 2013 06:13:38 +0000

Send me a mail with your details and I will give you a call. In the Meantime you can go onto our website http://www.matrixmen.org or onto my blog matrixmensa.blogspot.com.
Please email me on martin@matrixmen.org and we will gladly chat to you. Remember that this was not your fault, never was and never will be. Be kind to yourself.
Martin

By: R

Mon, 16 Dec 2013 20:05:40 +0000

Dude my heart bleeds for you… for all of you who shared your stories Sadly the shame of these occurrences is for all of us to bear collectively (as a nation) by (some people) supporting in one way or another a culture of apathy. I don’t know when we lost our compassion for one another but I hope with the eventful weeks we have had losing South Africa’s greatest citizen will inspire us to get back on the path he led us 20yrs ago a path we have clearly strayed from. I pray in one way or another the guy who did this to gets what he has given (God’s justice works)