Comments on: Opinion | We need older gay men to be visible

By: LEONHARD RODE

LEONHARD RODE — Fri, 12 Feb 2021 15:52:24 +0000

WHAT DO YOUNGER GAY PERSONS THINK WILL HAPPEN TO THEM WHEN THEY BECOME “OLDER” – WHATEVER THAT MIGHT MEAN – (IS THAT ANYTHING BETWEEN 30 AND 90 YEARS OF AGE?) WILL THEY SUDDENLY LOOSE THEIR IDENTIFYING SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND WHATEVER NEEDS OR DESIRES WHICH COME WITH IT? NO, NOT AT ALL. WE ARE WHO AND WHAT WE ARE FOR AS LONG AS WE ARE AROUND. IN PAST YEARS, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THERE ARE AS MANY OLDER GAY PERSONS AS I HAVE DISCOVERED THERE ARE IN RECENT YEARS. AND WHY ARE THEY NOT “AS OUT ” AS POSSIBLY COULD BE THE CASE? WELL, THAT SEEMS TO BE A RESULT OF NOT BEING AS MUCH “IN DEMAND” AS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG STILL. ALSO MANY OLDER PERSONS HAVE FOUND A LIFE-LONG PARTNER AND THUS KEEP TO THEMSELVES. AND, OF COURSE, BEING OLDER HAS CONSEQUENCES FOR MANY IN WHAT ONE STILL LIKES AND/OR CAN DO IN LIFE. UNFORTUNATELY, AGE OFTEN BRINGS LIMITATIONS IN TERMS OF HEALTH AND BODILY STRENGTH WHICH WE OFTEN HAVE NO CONTROL OR CHOICE ABOUT. HOWEVER, THAT DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT MANY MAINLY SINGLE GAY PERSONS SUDDENLY NO LONGER EXIST OR THAT THEY HAVE LOST THEIR WISH TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH OTHERS AND TO EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF THE COMPANY OF OTHERS AND WHAT EVEN MAY COME WITH IT. THERE ARE SOME OF US AS OLDER PERSONS WHO LOVE THE COMPANY OF YOUNGER FRIENDS OR PARTNERS AND THEN, FORTUNATELY, THERE ARE ALSO THOSE YOUNGER GUYS WHO LIKE TO BE WITH OLDER PERSONS AND THAT IS NOT ALWAYS DUE TO NEGATIVE OR ABUSIVE TYPES OF CONDUCT.
IN MY OWN SITUATION, I AM A SO-CALLED “DISABLED” PERSON AND HAVE HAD A VISUAL IMPAIRMENT SINCE BIRTH – I AM NOT BLIND, BUT SEVERELY PARTIALLY SIGHTED. NOW AT MY PRESENT AGE OF GOING FOR 80 YEARS OF AGE, I ALSO HAVE AN ADDITIONAL PROBLEM DUE TO POOR LUNG FUNCTIONING. HOW OFTEN IN THE PAST HAVE I NOT SAT AT THE BEACH OR WHERE EVER ELSE AND LONGED TO MEET SOMEBODY WHO MIGHT BE LIKE-MINDED, BUT HAVE NOT MET SUCH A PERSON. I GUESS IT IS NOT WRITTEN ON OUR FACES WHAT OUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS. IT IS SOMETIMES EQUALLY NOT WRITTEN ALL OVER US THAT WE MIGHT HAVE SOME PHYSICAL DISABILITY – SUCH AS SUFFERING FROM A VISUAL OR HEARING IMPAIRMENT WHICH DOES NOT REQUIRE A WHEELCHAIR OR CRUTCHES OR EVEN TO USE A GUIDE DOG OR WHITE CANE. IN MY VIEW, AGE AND PHYSICAL OR MENTAL IMPAIRMENT ARE ISSUES WHICH NEED MUCH MORE ATTENTION IN ASSISTING MANY IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY. WHETHER YOUNG OR OLDER, A PERSON IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY WITH AN IMPAIRMENT OF WHATEVER NATURE, STILL HAS THE EXACT SAME NEEDS AND DESIRES AS ANY OTHER MEMBER OF THIS COMMUNITY . I SUGGEST THAT THIS ISSUE OR, PERHAPS, THESE ISSUES NEED A LOT MORE ATTENTION THAN THEY EVER RECEIVED TO DATE. WE ARE FORTUNATELY MOVING OUT OF THE TIMES WHERE SEXUAL ORIENTATION HAD TO BE KEPT IN THE CLOSET OR BEHIND THICK WALLS AS IT WAS FOR MANY YEARS IN THE PAST.

By: Paul Watson

Paul Watson — Wed, 10 Jun 2020 09:20:06 +0000

I find that I prefer to keep to myself most of the time. I am 47, I love my grey beard, it’s my badge of honour. I wear it with pride because not many of us get to show the world we have made it this far. Its a privilege getting old. Do you realise that there isn’t much going for gay men who are older, so there is hardly any reason why we should all of a sudden go out drinking or clubbing? Give me a private sex party any day.
link to paulwatson.smugmug.com

By: Pat

Pat — Tue, 26 May 2020 00:27:47 +0000

In reply to Raymond R. Oquendo-Duke. This is an intriguing angle to the whole gay and age conversation. Nice job!

By: Pat

Pat — Tue, 26 May 2020 00:25:45 +0000

In reply to Malcolm David. No! You are not past your sell-by-date. Far from it! You are ok as you are!

By: keith

keith — Wed, 20 May 2020 13:32:45 +0000

hey such articles help us to come out , please share more articles

By: Lindley

Lindley — Mon, 18 May 2020 12:10:28 +0000

So true..
Love this little article. I definitely agree with how much more mature gay men aren’t really visible. I’m 32 and agree with how the teens to early to late 20’s are more agreeable in our gay community specially here in Cape Town. I think there is a great majority of older gay men whom just find different circles or different forms of entertainment as they mature. Which I think is proper as the young club scene does consist of young boys and their youthful forms of outlets and expressions in these hip environments which no longer appeals to the mature gay whom has live through that right of passage. In a sense a outlet again for going through the process of finding out your different from all the other “normal kids”.. I think it’s said and true how straight teens & young adults do have the guidance from their other straight counterparts, where as gay boys need to figure all of that out for themselves. It’s basically one of my biggest frustration at this stage of my life because most are not doing so good at growing up and maturing, asking questions and reading up on things they don’t understand about their sexuality. And that’s where we lose the numbers in order to have that visual aspect of seeing gay men whom have figured it out and to be able to interact and grow from a understanding point that speaks directly to who you are as a gay man.

By: Morgi Porgi

Morgi Porgi — Wed, 06 May 2020 21:09:52 +0000

In reply to Nicholus Mohale.

I have not been on this site for years, and I was just scrolling through to try and find out what is happening in the Community during lock;down and if anyone is going as insane as I am? Back to the Opinion – Dear Motlatsi Motseoile, Brilliant, thank you for this as it was a fresh change from all the World News Videos I have been watching – Gobsmacked! Yes, all the comments are true, each one nailed it. I had a Godfather who was also Gay, and I thank him to this day for being part of my life – I was lucky, but if I look at some of stuff that still happens to the Gay Youth, especially in South Africa, I would definitely say there needs to be more visible Older Presence. Besides, somebody needs to train these Little Princesses on how to become a Proper Queen!
XO
Morgi Porgi
Asexual Queer

By: Jakes

Jakes — Wed, 06 May 2020 13:21:32 +0000

What rock are you living under?

Ever heard of bears?

By: Gerrie

Gerrie — Sun, 26 Apr 2020 07:21:38 +0000

I’m a 58 year old, gay man, married and have 2 adult children. We have a very active social life but this is mostly with heterosexual friends. It seems the younger gay generation is too busy with and into themselves, to note that the world consists of many folk which make up our LGBTQI “rainbow nation”, and often push older gay men aside (consciously and unconsciously?). They seem to forget that one day they will wake up and be 30-something or 40-something and will then see what it’s like to be treated with disdain (as has been expressed by others and we’ve also experienced to some extent) by the younger ones??

I have been fortunate in that we do have a number of younger gay guys that relate to me “as their gay dad” either because their biological father has not been there for them as gay men, or because our relationship has evolved into one where I offer that “insight/forewarning/guidance/direction” they often seek when confronted with issues they are uncertain in how to handle. The fact that I have a son and a daughter has been invaluable in my approach to these situations and I love the endearing relationships we share. And then there are a few that just are “into older men” – which also has it’s place in our society, but has to be approached differently.

There’s a place for all of us under the sun, but I do agree that the media has been instrumental in only focusing on one group to the detriment of others. Maybe it’s time I wrote a column somewhere – “Lets ask dad…” where people can write in and ask questions which I then answer?? And the media, can also expand their reporting by profiling the “older generation” with articles of successful older gay men including things such as fashion tips for the older man or looking for the “older angle” in whatever they are reporting on? Hey it seems I might have a new career looming 🙂

By: Nicholus Mohale

Nicholus Mohale — Mon, 20 Apr 2020 18:46:38 +0000

Well we are here, however due to the misconception that the society and heterosexuals have about gay men in the past. When we age we want to keep want to keep our dignity, going out doesn’t matter anymore. Oh yes energy levels also do drop we no longer party like young homosexuals.

Also bear in mind of how humans also age this days, a lot of gays go to gym. You sometimes can’t tell their age until they say it. Just like heterosexuals after 35 there are certain cycles that human beings strive for or live within. Those circle are mostly in doors, trips, advances or business related. Well if you are lucky to have a child you also start thinking for your child more than you, you don’t want your child to bullied at school saying “we’ve seen your dad’s drunk or in an underwear in a circle of young people” the psychological effects of that will have a negative impact.

When you grow old your priorities also change and shift. At that age you probably have done most if not all the things you wanted to. It’s nesting time, building a legacy, taking kids to school and more. Certain age groups will know each other, it’s like getting a Facebook friend from someone totally younger than you, you ask yourself so many questions and probably won’t even accept them.

When the stage is fulfilled you move to the next stage. There only thing we must do at this point is to document it so that there younger generation can take tips or learn from. That’s the step we need to be brave to tackle.