5 Essential Tips for Healthy and Fulfilling Sex for Queer Men

Sex is a powerful way to express identity, build intimacy, and experience joy. For queer men—including gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men—navigating sex and relationships can come with specific considerations shaped by social, cultural, and health-related factors.

Here are the top five tips to keep your queer sex life healthy, safe, and fulfilling, no matter how you identify or how you like to play.

1. Protect Yourself During Anal Sex

Anal sex carries a higher risk of HIV and other STIs compared to other sexual activities. Whether you’re topping, bottoming, or versatile, here’s how to reduce your risk:

Use Condoms Correctly: Latex or polyisoprene condoms are the most effective barrier against HIV and STIs. Avoid oil-based lubricants that can weaken condoms, and always check the expiration date.

Use Plenty of Lube: Friction during anal sex can cause small tears, increasing the risk of infections. Apply water-based or silicone-based lube generously.

Consider PrEP: Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a once-daily pill that dramatically lowers the risk of getting HIV. Talk to a healthcare provider about whether PrEP is right for you.

Communicate: Discuss condom use, lube, PrEP, and STI testing with your partner(s) to set clear expectations and protect each other.

2. Stay Safe with Rimming (Oral-Anal Play)

Rimming (oral-anal contact) can be a fun and intimate act, but it can transmit hepatitis A, hepatitis B, parasites, and other bacteria.

Use a Barrier: A dental dam, cut-open condom, or plastic wrap provides a protective layer between your mouth and your partner’s anus.

Practice Good Hygiene: Wash your partner’s anal area with mild soap and water before rimming to reduce the risk of infections.

Vaccinate: Make sure you’re vaccinated against hepatitis A and B. These vaccines are safe and effective but you may have to pay for them.

Know the Risks: Rimming is very low risk for HIV but higher risk for other infections. Be informed so you can make empowered choices.

3. Oral Sex Is Low Risk, but Stay Informed

Oral sex carries a very low risk of HIV transmission but can still spread other STIs like gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes.

Giving Oral: The risk of getting HIV from giving head is extremely low. However, if you have cuts or sores in your mouth or have recently had dental work, avoid contact with semen or rectal fluids.

Receiving Oral: There’s no documented risk of getting HIV from receiving oral sex, but STIs can still be spread from mouth to genitals. Testing and communication help protect everyone.

Use Protection: Condoms or dental dams can reduce risk, especially if you’re having oral sex with multiple partners or in high-prevalence communities.

4. Prioritise Communication with Your Partners

A healthy sex life is built on honesty, respect, and consent.

Discuss Boundaries and Needs: Talk about protection, sexual preferences, and STI testing. This helps everyone feel respected and safe.

Check In Regularly: Whether it’s a one-time hook-up or a long-term relationship, talk openly about how things feel physically and emotionally.

Respect Consent: Everyone has the right to say no or change their mind at any point. Consent is ongoing and mutual.

5. Don’t Forget Mental Health and Well-Being

Sexual health is linked to mental health, especially for queer men who may face stigma or discrimination.

Seek Support: Reach out to LGBTQIA+ support groups, mental health professionals, or community organisations if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Self-Care: Prioritise sleep, a balanced diet, and physical activity. A healthy body supports a healthy sex life.

Know Your Worth: Shame or stigma shouldn’t define your sexuality. Embrace who you are and find partners and friends who support you.

Healthy queer sex is about pleasure and empowerment. By staying informed, using protection, practicing good hygiene, communicating openly, and caring for your mental health, you can enjoy a fulfilling sex life that celebrates your identity. Your health, and your joy, are worth it.