A gay man in Johannesburg has shared a harrowing account of being targeted and extorted by ‘Grindr Gang’ criminals through the dating app — a stark reminder of the ongoing dangers facing queer men in South Africa.
The survivor, who has asked to remain anonymous, says the incident took place on the evening of Sunday, 28 September, in the Melrose Arch area, at an apartment he was staying in for the weekend.
After chatting to a man using the Grindr profile “Visiting from” for much of the weekend, he arranged for them to meet for a hook-up at the apartment.
“Shortly before the meeting was meant to happen, he asked if he could bring a friend along,” the man recalls. “As he didn’t seem too pushy, was polite and appeared to be trustworthy, I agreed. The understanding was that it would be a threesome, with no mention at all of money.”
A Tense Energy
When the two arrived, things immediately felt off. “The friend did not at all look like the pictures that had been sent,” he says, adding that the friend appeared to be a trans woman and not the man pictured. “I let them in without questioning this. They said they were from Cape Verde originally, but now live in South Africa.”
Inside, the pair began acting strangely — first asking urgently for the WiFi password. “Once inside the bedroom, there was a tense energy, with the trans friend taking in all the contents of the room and looking intently around,” says the survivor.
Tensions escalated when he told them he was no longer comfortable and wanted them to leave. “At this point, the friend started shouting at me in English: ‘I’m a sex worker, you can’t just tell me to leave and give me nothing,’” he recounts.
The man says he had never agreed to pay for sex, but the person he had been chatting to now demanded he “simply pay her what was ‘owed’ to her.”
The Incident Turns Physical
“I offered to get them their Uber back and apologised for any misunderstanding. However, from here, things escalated quickly, with the friend getting hysterical and screaming at me that I was hiring sex workers and refusing to pay them,” explains the victim.
When he tried to leave the room, he says the pair blocked the door and attempted to coerce him into transferring money via his banking app. “I got into a scuffle with the friend,” he says. “The guy kept purposely keeping his distance physically while videoing the scuffles, to frame me as the aggressor.”
Fearing blackmail and unable to leave, he offered them cash. The assailants demanded R1,000 but then took more — about R1,700 which he had in his wallet — while continuing their aggressive behaviour.
“I had to physically push and kick to get them out [of the apartment], with the friend continuing to shout accusations at me, presumably for the neighbours to hear. I immediately locked the door and waited until I could hear them going down in the lift.”
Fear, Shame, and a Loss of Trust
The experience has left him shaken. “Really afraid and a bit paranoid,” he reveals. “The overwhelming sense is of a loss of trust. I always try to assume the best in people, and incidents like this really make the world feel more threatening. There’s also a shame component, as I know how hook-up culture can be judged, and how there’s often a blaming-the-victim narrative.”
He comments that he is usually vigilant and aware of the risks posed by the so-called “Grindr Gang” and similar incidents, but despite this, the attack still happened. “I really feel that queer people deserve more safety. We should be able to hook up without fearing for our lives.”
A Warning to the Community
The man is still considering whether to report the incident to the police but, based on his experience, shared his advice for other Grindr and dating app users:
- Watch for sudden, erratic changes to plans.
- Don’t be afraid to appear “rude” if something feels off — your safety matters more.
- Challenge inconsistencies or mixed messages immediately.
- Don’t let shame stop you from calling for help loudly and aggressively if needed.
- Be aware that assailants may track your online presence using multiple profiles.
He warns that Grindr Gang criminals may plan attacks for times when people are vulnerable or less alert. “Use invisibility features, take time away from the apps, and be aware of profiles that phish for specific information, such as the presence of security at your building,” he urges.
This latest incident is part of a long-standing trend of gay men being targeted, robbed, or assaulted after meeting people through dating apps across South Africa. The survivor hopes his story will serve as a warning to others while drawing attention to the urgent need for greater safety and accountability.
