CLASH OF THE CLUBS

On New Years Eve my good friend, “Gym Barbie”, and I left our decadent house party in Higgovale; we put on our party heels, and hit the streets. Cape Town’s nightclubs had promised us the best New Year’s parties ever. Their marketing campaigns had spanned the entire month and most of their ticket prices were about the only things that weren’t cheap along Somerset Road.

Cape Town’s premier gay clubs, Cruz, Sliver and Bronx, all have their distinctly unique style and feel, and their “door whores’ had been punting their parties like hell. On the night itself, the revellers knew where they wanted and needed to be; and for those of you who skipped the celebrations in The Mother City, here is what you missed….

Cruz Bar

Entrance:

• R120-00; R 220-00 (VIP) – before 1am
• R150-00; R 250-00 (VIP) – after 1am

Keywords:

• Social and sophisticated; regular guys; good clean fun

The Venue:

• The newest gay club on the Cape Town scene, replacing the old On Broadway Theatre, and part of the larger straight Opium Club complex.
• Opulent and sophisticated with stylish décor. Urban chic clubbing at its best.
• Incorporated some Opium areas on the night
• Two dance floors
• VIP areas
• Small outside chilling area
• Great indoor chilling and chat zones
• Best -looking go-go dancers in town (unfortunately mostly all straight)
• Cool torso ice fountain to drink from at the entrance

The Organisers:

• This team was by far the most professional
• Thanks to Sibu, Matthew (marketing man and go-go dancer extraordinaire), and friends for their great hospitality
• Even the bouncers at the door made an effort

The Music:

• All the latest crowd pleasing clubby tracks that people want to hear
• Nothing too heavy

The Vibe:

• Really packed and popular around midnight
• A great place to socialise and parade your wares
• Fun, relaxed energy and filled with the regular good-time guys
• The VIP bar was under-utilised and one felt more like a VLP (Very Lonely Person) there
• Perhaps they didn’t really need the other Opium areas. A smaller club would have condensed and invigorated the energy

The Boys:

• Pretty mainstream and regular social scene. No one hectic or hardcore
• These were the good time guys who wanted to socialise and chill
• A good sprinkling of foreign talent

The Flipside:

• The two dance floors were never that packed which reduced energy levels at the club
• By 02h30 the club was dead. The boys had either migrated to Sliver or Club Duvet at home

The Bronx

Entrance:

• R50 (R60 after 1pm)

Keywords:

• The Peoples’ Party

The Venue:

• A legend in its own lifetime and “old faithful”
• The smallest of the three venues
• Rumour has it that it will be closing when the lease runs out
• The only club with a pole (if Nick ever gets off it!)
• If you can get through the gent’s toilets, there is a secret bar and chill area at the back that no one seems to know about

The organisers:

• Apparently none
• The bouncers are unfriendly and uncooperative and are the only guys rougher than some of the patrons
• Eunice’s bar is great and she is a first class professional

The music:

• The best party music in town
• Every hit and gay anthem is played in quick succession
• The music makes this place – you cannot help but want to party

The Vibe:

• There was a great party all through the night
• The only really multi-cultural gay party place
• Everybody was having fun

The Boys:

• Who let the dogs out?

The Flipside:

• The Trash Palace….

Sliver

Entrance:

• R220 (R300 after 1am)

Keywords:

• Hardcore; popular; muscles; drugs; peer pressure

The Venue:

• Great venue with two huge dance areas
• Lighter trendier dance floor downstairs
• Hardcore “Furnace of Flesh” dance floor upstairs
• Great outside chill area
• The décor was “White Christmas” with faux snow (or was it coke?) across every floor and entrance

The Organisers:

• Strict professional control from the door inwards
• I saw a bar lady….she must work there on the “Lush” lesbian evenings

The Music:

• Lighter trance stuff below
• Heavy “doof-doof” rave upstairs

The Vibe:

• Only got going from 1am onwards
• Bring muscles, attitude and drugs!
• Peer pressure is enormous, but self-medicate and have fun!
• If you’re wearing a shirt you feel like a nerd
• The heat and temperature on the dance floors was unbearable….but then, everybody was cooking anyway!
• From 2am till 11am the following day it was the place to party and be seen
• Upstairs about 300 near-naked, pill-popping muscle men were ‘sardined’ together and dancing away on “spin-dry”

The Boys:

• The place abounds with blow up dolls (all pumped up, but with very little inside)
• At 1am there was a brigade of big bald Muscle Mary’s upstairs. They seem to get bigger, bolder and balder with every passing year
• From 01h30 they came pouring in; ripping off shirts and celebrating their bodies more than the New Year
• Flesh was the new black
• Foreign flesh was also pretty popular

The Flipside

• Those who weren’t enjoying their “journeys/trips” too much were sitting outside in the courtyard clinging onto their chairs and dinners for grim death. Pupils were dilated and people were paranoid. What a way to start the year.