Every person on the planet knows that a queen’s second biggest weapon is her tongue… while her biggest weapon is hardly ever used for fighting!

Gay men are generally known and respected for their intelligence, wit, and razor sharp retorts. Give them a scene, and they will find the appropriate words to deal with it – complete with a concluding punchline!

Some research has shown that gay men often tend to be of above average intelligence; more worldly, and more creative. These ingredients combine to create some of the best humour that the world has ever seen.

Queens have used humour both to protect themselves and to entertain. Gay men are naturally drawn to the Arts, and many comedians and entertainers have relied on their agile tongues to make a living, and comment on the society around them.

Throughout the ages, humour has also been used as a defence mechanism. At times the only viable response many persecuted gay men have had at their disposal, has been to retaliate with their razor sharp tongues. Our comebacks are often the best way to hit back at oppression and bigotry.

Humour acts as a buffer and protection from the harsh reality of a situation. It manages to lighten what is dark, and humour always, always makes us feel better. (The Jews even used humour in the concentration camps to cope with the deep psychological, physical, and emotional torture they were enduring.) Dark or black humour has been used by subcultures to create camaraderie and make light of the darkness people have found themselves in.

Our verbal trinkets are fabulous and remind us of what it is like to be human, gay, and alive. Here are a few gems by gays and lesbians (and a few honourary friends) that you can use to pepper your conversation at that next fabulous party, darling…

  • Is that a gun in your pocket or is your penis just engorged with blood? – Julian Clary

  • Homosexuality is God’s way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children. – Sam Austin
  • Today’s top is tomorrow’s bottom. – Edmund White
  • I adore to dance with them and to take them to theatres and private views and talk about dresses and plays and women, but I’m really much more fond of men. – Cecil Beaton
  • With so much hate in the world, I’m not really interested in people who say love is wrong. – Anne Heche
  • Everyone is born naked, and then after that everything is drag. – Ru Paul
  • I was once asked if my first sexual encounter was homosexual or heterosexual. I don’t know. I was too polite to ask. – Gore Vidal
  • To tell the truth, I think that every man should be f*cked up the arse as a prelude to f*cking women, so he’ll know what it is like to be the receiver. – Germaine Greer
  • What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine, and what is beautiful in feminine women is something masculine. – Susan Sontag
  • It is better to be hated for what one is than be loved for what one is not. – Andre Gide
  • Two men can defy the world. – E M Forster
  • I wore make-up at a time when even on a woman eye-shadow was sinful… From that moment on, my friends were anyone who could put up with the disgrace. – Quentin Crisp
  • There’s nothing I need from anyone, except love and respect, and anyone who can’t give me those two things has no place in my life. – Harvey Fierstein
  • If I am absolutely frank, I prefer women to men, but if I’m brutally frank, I prefer chocolate to either. – Anonymous
  • Try a boy for a change. You’re a rich man. You can afford the luxuries of life. – Jo Orton
  • There are only two times in this world where I am happy and selfless and pure. One is when I jack off on paper, and the other is when I empty the fretfulness of my desire on to a male body. – Tennessee Williams
  • Better blatant than latent. – early activist slogan
  • I may love Judy Garland, but ultimately what makes me a gay man is that I want a big one down my clanger chute. – Marcus O’Donnell
  • Remember… you’re only as old as you look. – Bob Downe
  • If you wish to see someone at their worst, observe them coming in or out of a relationship. – Kerry Bashford
  • “I married Peter Allen, and he didn’t tell me he was gay. … Everybody knew but me! And I didn’t find out until I found out. And I found out…let me put it this way: I’ll never surprise anybody coming home again as long as I live. I’ll call first.” – Liza Minnelli to the Advocate.
  • I felt very close to God … my friends say that’s because I was always on my knees. – Armistead Maupin
  • The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. – Lynn Lavner
  • Homosexuality is god’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children. – Sam Austin
  • If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work: “Hello. Can’t work today, still queer.” – Robin Tyler
  • I’d rather be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother. – Charles Pierce
  • The Lord is my Shepherd and he knows I’m gay. – Rev. Troy Perry
  • And remember to be nice to straights. It takes two of them to make one of you. – Boy George

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