Organisers have announced that Joburg and Cape Town Prides will take place in Harare this year to lighten the load of depressed Zimbabweans.
The move was announced at a press conference in Johannesburg on Tuesday April 1 attended by Zimbabwe opposition party spokesperson Morgan Swindleton.
Swindleton, whose party is reportedly leading in Zimbabwe’s general elections, said that he would ensure that Harare would be decked out in bright pink, should the city be under the MDC’s leadership at the time.
“It will be the biggest party ever in Zimbabwe. After years of tedious politics and the constant abuse of human rights, which is quite depressing to be honest, we need to have some fun. And who better to bring fun to Zimbabwe than your happy gays,” he said.
“There are already enough gay events in Joburg, said Tracey Condupe, the chairperson of Joburg Pride, “plus we don’t really see the point of having pride in Joburg and Cape Town when locals are ungrateful and don’t bother to dress up.”
“We’re no fools,” she said, “we know that this will be expensive to put on.” She explained that applications have been submitted to the United Nations for funds to put on the event, which would see tens of thousands of South African and Zimbabwean gays and lesbians parading through the streets of Harare.
According to Condupe, the Joburg Pride Board will organise up to 400 luxury buses and six 747 jumbo jets to take Johannesburg and Cape Town’s gay communities to Harare.
She will be meeting shortly with South Africa’s ambassador to Zimbabwe to ensure that there would be no hold-up at the border.
More information on the Harare event, such as the full line-up of performing artists – including the likes of Madonna, George Michael and Barbara Streisand – will be announced shortly, said Condupe.
Condupe added that Robert Mugabe will be asked to deliver an apology speech for his stance on LGBT people at the event, should he not be in exile at the time.
EDITOR’S NOTE: As most of you have realised, this article is a complete fabrication to celebrate April Fool’s Day.