In this heartfelt piece, Ugandan-born transgender activist Mandy Jovial Swali, now based in South Africa, shares her journey of love and identity and breaks down stereotypes about who trans women can love.
As a transgender woman, I am proud to share that I am in a happy and fulfilling relationship with a lesbian woman.
For many people, this might sound unusual, because society has created misconceptions and stereotypes about who transgender women should or should not love. I want to use my story as an example to break down those harmful myths.
One of the biggest misunderstandings is the belief that if a transgender woman has affirmed her identity as a woman, then she must automatically be attracted to men. This is not true. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things.
- Gender identity is about who we are. In my case, I am a woman.
- Sexual orientation is about who we love or are attracted to. In my case, I am attracted to women.
These two aspects of who we are do not have to fit into society’s rigid boxes. Just as cisgender women can be lesbians, bisexual, or straight, transgender women also have diverse sexual orientations.
Love is Love
I am on my gender-affirming journey, including hormone therapy, and I continue to live authentically as myself. Yet, even within LGBTQI+ spaces, there is still a harmful misconception that a trans woman “must” date men in order for her womanhood to be valid. That is simply not true.
My partner and I are both happy in our relationship. She understands me deeply, and I understand her. Our love is based on respect, honesty, and mutual care and that is what truly matters. She is proud to be with me as a transgender woman, and I am proud to be with her as the amazing lesbian woman she is.
Love does not become less real because of gender identity. Love does not become less valid because of labels. Our relationship is proof that love is love.
A Call to Embrace Authentic Love
By sharing my story, I hope to help others unlearn the idea that trans women’s relationships must fit into society’s narrow expectations. We deserve the freedom to love, to be loved, and to live openly without shame or judgment.
To my fellow trans sisters: your love is valid. To my lesbian sisters: your love is valid. To everyone reading this: may we all learn that love is not about rules, but about authenticity.
Together, let’s continue breaking down barriers, challenging harmful stereotypes, and creating a world where everyone can love freely.
