Sex bomb “Thorpedo” retires

There’s something just not right about a 24 year old retiring. In fact we think it’s downright criminal. But that’s just what Australian swimming hunk Ian Thorpe announced this week – after winning nine Olympic medals in his short career. Ian has been plagued by gay rumours in the past (who hasn’t really), but he’s denied that he’s that way inclined. The sports superstar stunned the world at a press conference with the news of his retirement, saying that he wanted to focus on aspects of his life other than swimming. “I’m looking at a next phase, and that next phase means I am realigning the most important thing for me to do. Swimming falls somewhere short, which is never the way it used to be,” he said. Ian doesn’t yet know what he’ll be doing with his new-found time, joking that, “I haven’t picked up the newspaper to look for a job. But if anyone’s got any good ones for an ex-Olympic swimmer…” We could think of a few to be honest… We’ll certainly miss seeing Ian in his trademark skin-tight black bodysuit in the pool.

The Britney and K-Fed merry go round…

There were rumours that Kevin Federline was threatening to release a sex tape of him and Britney Spears, but his lawyers have denied that any such tape exists. Nevertheless there’s still much speculation about how Kevin will finance his expensive lifestyle now that his meal-ticket is divorcing him and his album has tanked. Some believe that he may well make a hefty profit by revealing dirt on Britney in a tell-all book about their relationship. Reports say he may use this as a bargaining chip in the former couple’s divorce battle. It’s said that the book could include details on Britney’s alleged bi-sexual tendencies – including supposedly begging Kevin to engage in a threesome. Uhh… like it would take begging to get Kevin interested in a ménage à trois? Meanwhile, Britney’s been living the single life with her new best friend, Paris Hilton. The two have been joined at the hip of late. Britney also surprised US TV viewers by popping up as an unexpected presenter at the American Music Awards. Strangely enough – considering the apparent animosity between them – reports say that she was extremely upset that much of the show was dedicated to taking a dig at Kevin. Word is that she was sickened by a skit in which a Kevin Federline look-alike is placed in a wooden crate and dumped into a river. Shame, it seems she still has some feelings for her ex – who’s rapidly become the laughing stock of America.

Take That’s gay slur

Take That, the reformed 90’s boy band, are in a bit of hot water after two of the band’s members described certain sports as too “gay” for them. In a radio interview in the UK, Howard Donald and Jason Orange were asked what they did in their spare time: Jason replied that, “I go skiing in my spare time. Snowboarding is a bit gay isn’t it?” Howard then stepped in by saying that, “No way, I think skiing is gay. They wear salopettes, those all-in-one suits are definitely gay.” Later, the DJ, Jo Whiley, apologised after the interview, saying, “If there was anything that you may have found offensive I do apologise. I don’t think the guys meant it to be offensive, they were just joking around.” Hmmph, talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Has any boy band been ‘gayer’ than Take That? Perhaps the boys might want to take a look at some of their homoerotic music videos and publicity photos. They should also consider who actually bought most of their records in the nineties…

Eminem’s return to gay-bashing music

And speaking of singers with nothing good to say about their gay fans, Eminem is said to be returning to the world music scene with a new track called No Apologies. Some of the choice lyrics include, “fuck yeah i’m a basketcase and i master this rap shit til’ my ass gets wasted, til’ my assassination, til’ i’m slain cuz of some fag’s infatuation…” It’s good to see that Eminem has matured considerably as a thoughtful lyricist over the last few months. We wonder what Elton John, apparently one of the rapper’s buddies, will have to say about this….

Courtney Love does a Madonna

Courtney Love has highlighted her return to sanity and the limelight by posing nude in a series of pictures for POP magazine. Looking remarkably like shots from Madonna’s infamous SEX book, the pictures nevertheless show Courtney looking pretty darn fantastic. We’re always the first to applaud a celebrity that rises to the top after scraping the bottom of the barrel, so we’re holding thumbs that Courtney keeps up the good work. You go girl!

Survivor’s Mark Bayly on Egoli

It’s called “synergy” folks… (Yawn…) M-Net has convinced Survivor host Mark Bayly to appear in the local soap Egoli this Friday. Apparently, the character of Louwna meets Mark and tries to convince him to reveal who the winner of the show is. Survivor South Africa comes to an end this Sunday with a two hour special, and we, like many people, quite frankly don’t much care. It’s no secret that the series has been unable to hold on to its impressive debut ratings. We blame the fact that South Africans are simply too restrained as a people to make for truly riveting reality TV drama. Sure we had Gareth to ogle, but he turned out to be something of a wimp. (And he soon lost his model good looks on the island.)

Gay, Straight or Taken?

America’s Lifetime cable channel has announced that it will be broadcasting 18 episodes of a new dating show with a difference – produced by the company that created Big Brother. Gay, Straight or Taken? features a single female contestants who must tease out the available man from a trio which includes a gay man and an involved man. If she chooses correctly, after interacting with the men on dates, she goes on to win a trip for two with her new beau. If she chooses either the involved man or the gay man, he gets to go on the trip with his partner. It would be even better if they did a gay version in which a gay single man has to romance three other men to find the available suitor among the group. Sounds better than another series of Survivor SA we think!

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