Whether you’re just starting out in a new relationship or have been long-term partners for many years, how does a gay couple maintain their relationship over the long haul and sustain that “magical spark” that drew them together in the first place?

Relationships do require attention and focus, and this article will present five deadly mistakes that you can make that can wreak havoc in your partnership, almost always ensuring conflict and unhappiness.

Remedies will also be offered, and keeping these points in mind can help stave off relationship discord – and even prevent a potential break-up from ever being considered!


Deadly Mistake #5: Getting into predictable, monotonous routines.

Once you get into the groove of your relationship, you can begin to feel comfortable with the safety and familiarity it breeds. However, in the long run, this can create a stale environment of boredom and “same-ness”, leading many couples to feel restless, unfulfilled, and “itching” for a change. Break out of that rut by bringing more spice and novelty to your relationship. Shake things up a little bit and dare to be different! Surprise your lover with a night out on the town to break up the mundane workweek. Introduce more creativity and variety into your sex life. Keep him guessing and on his toes for what’s coming next. By bringing in a little more excitement and stimulation, the chemistry between the two of you will be nourished, reaffirming your connection and strengthening your bond.

Deadly Mistake #4: Making assumptions about what your partner thinks and does.

Interpreting your partner’s thoughts and behaviour through your own lens can spell disaster, especially when you make decisions based on these judgments. You cannot read minds and jumping to conclusions will only erode the trust and security of your relationship. Even if your guy has a history of responding in a certain way in given situations, it would behove you to not jump to conclusions and generalise his actions, as he may alter his responses or have a different mindset. Always check things out with your partner to make sure you’re both “on the same page.” This will save you from a world of grief and insecurity.

Deadly Mistake #3: Not updating your relationship vision.

Relationships grow and change over time, and so do the individuals in the partnership. Revisit from time-to-time with your partner about your hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals for your relationship and yourself. This will help troubleshoot any “growing apart” tendencies by keeping the communication open. For example, with monogamy, some couples change their views on the role this plays in their relationship. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and want to open it up, don’t just act upon it without dialoguing about it with your partner first. And if you have an open relationship, don’t assume you and your partner share the same views about it as time goes on. Revisit your “relationship contract” to ensure genuine agreement still exists, avoid making assumptions, and don’t be afraid to bring up difficult topics of discussion. It’s better to hash it out than to act it out to protect the foundation of trust you’ve built.

Deadly Mistake #2: Not attending to each other’s needs.

We all have needs, and relationships are a great source for meeting the needs for belonging and attachment. Through communication and life experience with your partner, you’ll learn what matters most to him. Many couples destroy their relationships by taking each other for granted and failing to attend to the needs of the other in the ways he likes them to be met. Schedule a “family meeting” with your partner at least once a month to talk about your relationship and how it’s going. What’s going well? Not so well? Are you in alignment with your relationship vision? Make a list of your needs and share them with your partner, making a conscious effort to be more attentive and proactive.

Deadly Mistake #1: Not making your relationship a priority.

Life is stressful. Between the demands of work, family, friends, school, hobbies, and all the other obligations you may have, your relationship with your partner can really take a hit. Those couples who take their relationship for granted are writing a prescription for its demise. Try to work hard at creating more life balance to juggle all the roles you have to avoid neglecting your relationship. Imagine your relationship with your partner is a nucleus. You must protect your nucleus from all external, outside forces. Don’t allow them to penetrate through or you risk jeopardising the health and wellness of your relationship! Your partner is your home and haven. Let him be your number one priority above all else. Make him feel special and appreciated. Schedule “date nights”, surprise him with gifts of adoration, plan a commitment ceremony, etc. Do anything you’re comfortable with that will validate and affirm your relationship as the blessing it is – and cherish it!


So there you have it – five deadly mistakes that can compromise the success of a gay relationship. By applying some of these possible solutions and brainstorming some of your own, you’ll be demonstrating your commitment to your relationship and honouring it in the way it deserves. This will promote more gratification and functionality in your partnership, solidifying your bond as a couple, and creating a level of bliss unlike no other. Cheers to your success!

Brian L. Rzepczynski

© 2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

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