Self-loathing? | Most gay men say they’re turned off by femme guys


Being ‘straight acting’ and ‘masculine’ continues to have great perceived value in the gay community, seemingly clashing with the growing acceptance of gender fluidity.

In fact, a new UK survey has found that an overwhelming number of gay men find effeminate men unappealing when it comes to potential romantic partners.

Attitude magazine asked 5,000 of its readers to answer a series of questions about their thoughts and experiences on the topic of masculinity in the gay community.

A massive 71% revealed that they had personally been turned off by a prospective partner because he came across as being “too feminine”.

Only 29% of the men said they saw more effeminate characteristics in men as positive traits.

And while some might argue that we shouldn’t police or judge personal preferences when it comes to romance and sex, many gay men also appear to believe that femme gay men are simply unacceptable in general.

According to the survey, 41% of those surveyed believe that effeminate gay men actually give the gay community “a bad image or reputation”.

The same number of gay men also admitted that they themselves have felt “less of a man” because of their sexuality.

It seems that there is a lot of self-loathing and insecurity in the community when it comes to masculinity.

The survey’s results are included in Attitude magazine’s new ‘Masculinity’ issue. Editor-in-Chief, Matt Cain, described the findings as “troubling”.

“The survey seems to suggest that the insecurity we feel about our masculinity is dividing the gay community and turning us against each other,” he wrote.

“It backs up the experience so many of us have had on hook-up apps or the dating scene. And it reflects the difficult relationship so many of us have with our masculinity,” noted Cain.

“For me, the traditional understanding of masculinity is to blame. And I believe this is not only toxic but outdated.”

He called for an end to “femme-shaming”, adding: “I’d love it if we could move away from an understanding of gender as binary and leave behind all expectations of how a man should behave. This would benefit us all, whatever our gender or sexuality.”

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