Outrageous. Nkandla to be decked out with marble Shaka Zulu statues and Swarovski mosaic tiles
President Jacob Zuma’s gay interior decorator cousin has been implicated in an outrageous new Nkandla scandal.
On Tuesday, the Public Protector Thuli Madonsela confirmed that she is investigating new allegations of nepotism and overspending at the President’s controversial private residence.
It’s been revealed that Zuma has hired one of his cousins, the openly-gay Dumo Zuma, to provide interior decorating services to the tune of R65 million, all at taxpayers’ expense.
While Dumo appears to have no qualifications in the field, nor is registered with the Interior Designer’s Guild of South Africa, Presidential Spokesperson Mac Maharaj justified the decision to hire him.
“We all know that gay people have a natural affinity for creative things like interior design. The President saw the inherent talent in Dumo and believes that he will do a fantastic job in bringing a stylish and whimsical African touch to Nkandla.”
Maharaj also insisted that sourcing a top-talent interior decorator in the rural areas was almost impossible. With regard to the family connection, the spokesperson dismissed the concerns, staying that it was the President’s perogative to hire who he wanted.
“The costs are justified,” added Maharaj. “We can’t expect the President of the country to live in a tacky or cheap looking home. We doubt Mr Obama decked out the White House by shopping at Mr Price Home. Why should our President be any different? That’s Western double standards at play.”
It is understood that Dumo intends to scatter statutes of iconic Zulu warrior Shaka Zulu across the estate; made to order in Italy from the finest marble. The Nkandla pool (or fire pit) will be encrusted with top-end Swarovski mosaic tiles imported from Austria and the master bedroom will feature a massive throne based on Queen Elizabeth’s.
The elusive Dumo Zuma, who according to SARS records last worked as a waiter at Spur, refused to answer any questions from the media. “What I do with my unique talent is my business,” he told Reuters before jetting off to New York on a shopping spree for Nkandla. “I have no other comment!”
According to sources, DA leader Helen Zille laid the complaint with the Public Protector who has indicated that she will pursue the matter with vigour.
Note: As most readers realised, this article is an April Fools’ Day prank. We hope you enjoyed the giggle.