Anal sex has come a long way from its taboo roots, with a lot of straight people now also admitting that they enjoy a little backdoor action or pegging.
Although this sex act has long been associated with gay men, it’s important to mention that anal sex, just like any other kind of sex, may not be everyone’s cup of tea, whether they’re gay or straight.
However, those that have a penchant for butt play will tell you that this is an activity that holds the potential for great mutual pleasure.
Here are a few top tips for anal sex newbies.
1. Don’t forget the foreplay
Just like any other sex, foreplay is part and parcel of making sure you’re relaxed and ready for action. Especially if this is your first foray into anal play, pay attention to some external stimulation of the anus before going for full penetration. Take it slow – the more relaxed you are, the more comfortable you’ll be.
2. Load up on lube
Because the anus isn’t self-lubricating, using plenty of lube is very important, and will make anal sex a lot more pleasurable and comfortable, especially initially. In this regard, remember to use a water-based lube that won’t damage latex condoms or toys. How much lube should you use? If you think you’ve used enough, add another squirt for good measure!
3. Experiment with toys
Butt plugs, dildos and vibrators are great accessories, whether you’re experienced in anal sex or aren’t. Using toys as a part of foreplay will help you get used to the sensation of being penetrated, and can also help you to relax before you are penetrated by your partner’s penis.
4. Play safe
For all its pleasures, anal sex does come with a higher risk of STIs and HIV. For this reason it is important to use a protective barrier like a condom. Also consider using other protective measures, like PrEP – a pill that very effectively prevents HIV infection.
5. Play around with positions
There are many positions you can try while having anal sex. Use the opportunity to find a position that is comfortable for both partners. Take your time – it might just take a while to find that sweet spot!
6. Communicate clearly
Communication is one of the most essential components of good sex, and this sentiment also rings true for anal sex. If you are the partner being penetrated (the bottom) make sure to guide your partner (the top) in what makes you feel good. Don’t be shy to ask them to slow down (or speed up!) and be gentler (or harder). Be clear about exactly what you like, and what you don’t like.
7. Pay attention to your breathing
If you aren’t relaxed and breathing comfortably, you’ll start tensing up – this is true for your sphincter, too, and may make anal sex less pleasurable than it can be. While the muscles in the anus can stretch quite a bit, they can be very tight when contracted. Try letting your partner slip in a lubed finger and keep it there for a while – as soon as you’re used to the sensation, you’ll feel the muscle start relaxing.
8. Let the bottom guide the penetration
When the bottom guides the penetration, they are able to control the angle, depth and speed of penetration. This goes a long way in making for a mind-blowing experience, and also helps the top to get to know what the bottom is into.
9. Start off slow
If this is your first time having anal sex, don’t jump right in and expect yourself to perform like a porn star. Slow and steady does it.
10. Plan it
Take some time to prepare for anal sex. While there’s always a chance that there will be some poop somewhere, taking into account the part of your body that is involved in anal sex, you’ll probably be alright if you have recently gone to the loo. To ensure you’re super confident going into the experience, you can have a relaxing bath or shower beforehand.
For more information about safe sex, check out www.engagemenshealth.org.za.