This is what queer-inclusive sexuality looks like
A brilliant new South African guide to sex and sexuality is fun, enlightening and totally queer-inclusive and affirming.
The Quirky Quick Guide to Having Great Sex sets out to answer your burning questions and tell you all you need to know, in clear and accessible bite-sized bits.
Why is lube so important? How do you prep for anal sex? How do you navigate consent? Is there a way of sending safe nudes? How do you put on a condom correctly? Why are people faking orgasms? How do you enjoy erection-free sex? What is kink?
It’s a candid guide to all things sex and sexuality, busting myths and upgrading the knowledge you already have as a tool to help elevate your sex life.
Refreshingly, The Quirky Quick Guide to Having Great Sex has no separate sections for queer or heterosexual folk. Instead, the information is all-inclusive, queer-normative and gender-neutral and could apply to anyone (only possibly impacted by which body parts you may wish to work with).
We spoke to the author, Tiffany Kagure Mugo, a Johannesburg-based podcast host, columnist and writer. She is also co-founder and curator of HOLAA! a Pan-African hub that advocates for, and tackles issues surrounding African female sexuality.
The book is fantastically inclusive of sexual and gender diversity. Why was this important for you?
Sex and sexuality is so diverse, I learned this both from my work and personal experience. When you don’t understand this you are missing out on some really bomb coitus and placing all your eggs in a one basket. In creating this book it was super important that folks reading it realised that there really is so much diversity and once you understand this diversity the fun can truly begin!
How challenging was it to be so inclusive?
Not difficult at all! It’s basically my whole job, so having that diversity is basically in my lifeblood. It was one of the things I set out to do from the very beginning and was fuelled even more by people asking ‘is this a book just for queer folks? Or ‘can people who sleep with men also engage this book?’ or ‘as a straight man can I learn from the book?’. The work I do made me realise really quickly that there are a lot of things that overlap. For example, straight women and queer bottoms and queer women who love the strap will experience anal sex. No matter your gender identity breakups will suck and you need to check your angles when you send nudes. Understanding that there was far more that brought us together than divided us made this super easy to write and collate all the knowledge. Our sex at its base is very similar.
Why is this a book that a queer person should read?
It’s a book everyone should read because sex and relationships are tricky, and as queer folks we have even less of a blueprint to work from. This book seeks to provide that blueprint without making it this big existential crisis. It wants to lie in that comfy space where you don’t have to freak out about your sexuality and your sex but just come and learn something from your best friend (which coincidentally will become this book). Queer people need much much more of a framework to work from when it comes to sex and relationshipping that does not feed into all the problematic tropes and this book is it. This book is low key ‘the gay agenda’ because it’s a very queer book masquerading as something that is for everyone. From the gender neutrality to the overt and shameless list of queer terms, it seeks to broaden everyone’s knowledge, queers included.
Do you believe the book will also help inform or educate the non-queer reader about sexual and gender diversity?
That is basically what the book is meant to do. It is constructed in a way that you will see yourself as a queer / non-queer reader in every single page. The conscious avoidance of labelling sexual acts as for this or that sexuality meant that everyone can try everything. Often the boxing of sexual acts according to sexuality / gender identity / masculinity or femininity / tops and bottoms, means that folks miss out on some super good sex. The book is designed so that people come for the sex and stay for the sexuality education. Again ‘the gay agenda’ – tricking the straights into broadening their horizon: the ultimate scam!
The Quirky Quick Guide to Having Great Sex is available at all major book stores (CNA, Exclusive Books, Commune Books in JHB, and Book Lounge in CPT) and as an eBook on Amazon, Kobo and Booktopia.
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